I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
