Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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