I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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