hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
