God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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