Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize