Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
