i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
