I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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