Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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