I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Acid is not a monday night drug
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
