I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
