You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
