Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Text me some of your sweat
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
