My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!