Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
