apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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