Whats the glycemic index on semen?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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