I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
