Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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