I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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