I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
