And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
