am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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