were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
