I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
