when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could make wine with my vomit
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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