420 ftw
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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