so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
