Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
