so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
try to milk me bitch
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