pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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