If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
