One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Even my vagina gasped.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
