I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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