When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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