Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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