I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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