I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
