Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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