Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
