So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
