Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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