it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The ass gains better be worth it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
