summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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