Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
