i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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