So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
