I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Congratulations! We have a period
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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