Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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