i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
