Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
