Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize