apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
