All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
