2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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