I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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