I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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