i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just want nice things and good sex
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
