Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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