She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I party with great urgency now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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