i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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