He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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