If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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