thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
