I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
