i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
